Stephen Chapman

The second incarnation of my blog

Sexist and worse…

Some jokes actually sent to me by my Mum!

– Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

– I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

– After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.

– My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

– I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

– After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.

– Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

– Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

– ITS A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY”.  And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

– Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

– A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?”.   Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

– A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: ‘I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.’  He replies, ‘Your eyesight is perfect.’

– An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ‘I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?’     He replies, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’

2 comments on “Sexist and worse…

  1. Raybeard
    May 16, 2014

    The ones registering the highest reading on my chuckle-o-meter – the Thai brothel + the penultimate one. But most of them should be smile-raisers at the very least.

  2. viewsplash
    May 17, 2014

    Good Ones! 😀

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This entry was posted on May 15, 2014 by in Fun and tagged , , .

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