The second incarnation of my blog
Some jokes actually sent to me by my Mum!
– Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary
– I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
– After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.
– My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
– I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
– After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
– Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
– Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
– ITS A BOY” I shouted “A BOY, I DON’T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY”. And with tears streaming down my face I swore I’d never visit another Thai Brothel!!!
– Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
– A boy asks his granny, ‘Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?”. Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
– A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: ‘I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.’ He replies, ‘Your eyesight is perfect.’
– An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ‘I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?’ He replies, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’