Stephen Chapman

The second incarnation of my blog

Some jokes (quality variable)

I found a list of (mostly) one liners and have edited the awful jokes out to leave a selection for your chuckle bones:

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people’s pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags, he’s bisatchel.

I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

I rang up British Telecom, I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller”, he said “Oh no, not you again!”.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Well, we’ll see about that!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite.

I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.

‘I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”‘

‘I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.’

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!’ The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ‘The driver just insulted me!’ The man says: ‘You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.’

One comment on “Some jokes (quality variable)

  1. Raybeard
    February 15, 2013

    Variable, as you say – though none are exactly BAD. For the record, the biggest smile for me came with the ‘wind/kite’ one.

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This entry was posted on February 14, 2013 by in Fun and tagged , , .

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